Couples Therapy in Managed Care by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 1619272
Publisher: Taylor & Francis Group

THE INTEGRATIVE PSYCHOTHERAPY MODEL

Our model of a troubled relationship suggests that such relationships have two primary characteristics: one or both partners tend, when trouble arises, to project (that is, to define the other partner in terms of past relationships) and to regress (to use increasingly primitive problem-solving strategies). It stands to reason that anything that will replace these two responses with more satisfying and effective ones is likely to reverse the deterioration in the relationship. The replacement that we have found to be most useful is that of inquiry.

The Nature of Inquiry. Inquiry, of course, is the stock-in-trade of the psychotherapist. As professionals, we are taught how to ask questions directly, and how to use body language and declarative statements to ask them indirectly. We are taught to phrase our interventions so that they fit most usefully within the client’s frame of reference, and how to time them so that the client is most likely to respond in a way that will be helpful. And we have learned that inquiry, skillfully done, informs both therapist and client; it encourages self-exploration and strengthens the therapeutic relationship.

Let’s think, for a moment, about how inquiry connects with the eight relational needs we listed earlier. Imagine that you are a client, in couple therapy with your partner. Your therapist is teaching you to inquire, helping both of you to make sure that the process respects and acknowledges each of the relational needs:

Security. There must be a clear agreement between the partners that the inquiry process won’t be used, now or later, as a weapon. If you can believe that your partner won’t use your self-revelation against you, you can gradually begin to feel safer with that partner; as you feel more and more safe, you will reveal more and more–and, in doing so, learn more about yourself as well. Your partner, in turn, is likely to feel increasingly safe as you demonstrate your trust and your willingness to be vulnerable.

Valuing. To have someone inquire about your internal experience, show interest, and refrain from criticizing you or solving your problems for you, is to feel valued. We teach our clients to assume that everything his or her partner does or says has an important positive function, even though that function may not be self-evident, and to frame their inquiry so as to tease out that function. Thus inquiry is not inquisition, not interrogation, but a genuine attempt to understand and participate in the other’s experience.

Acceptance by a strong, protective, dependable other. It can be hard to be strong and protective and dependable when your partner is saying things that you don’t want to hear–it’s much easier to leap in and start the old familiar battle all over again! Part of inquiry is remembering that we are asking about what the other person experiences, not about what “really” happens. When your partner listens with interest and respect to something with which he or she disagrees, hearing your story as simply your account of what went on

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